Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
