i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If that was your dad, he is hot
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
