My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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