If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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