Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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