Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
