he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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