Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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