Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
