we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
