I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize