I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
