During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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