ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
