So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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