I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
