also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
