bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
