mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
