She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
