To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
