forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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