the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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