what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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