About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize