I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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