dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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