I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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