Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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