Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
