when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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