I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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