Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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