how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
