I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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