He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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