You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
