my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
