I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He shit in the fireplace
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
