WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
