last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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