you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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