New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
