I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We're too hungover to prance.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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