"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
