some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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