i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
