Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
