i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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