So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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