Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
