woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
