Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
a search helicopter?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
