Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
