I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
