I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
