have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
