why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
