Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
