He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
