the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
