I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
