Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
