All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
