Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
