As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize