Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
