vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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