It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
